Ever Present on a Motorbike

RAVEN’S WING – FAIR COMMENT
27 April 2010


Today’s Topic – Ever Present on a Motorbike

If you really want to know what's going on, watch what's happening at least five cars ahead. Anon

The future is never further away than the next present moment. I have learned that trying to live ‘in the present’ is damned impossible. However, perhaps in it’s ever changing present to future to past dynamic, you can manage the process by breaking those changing moments up into more manageable bits. This I have learned by learning to ride a motorbike.

Among the many things I have learned so far in my quest to ride a motorbike, be confident, and enjoy it (like how not to run out of petrol on an uphill when you have to push the damned thing), is that it really is a one step at a time process. For me the first step came as somewhat of a surprise. I went and bought a motorbike and it was delivered to my house. As it was put in my driveway, the realization and reality of now actually owning this machine became rather real. My housemates were all there offering excitement and enthusiasm. I, on the other hand, was thinking what have I done? It was of course a fun romantic notion at the time to own a motorbike, but having this daunting machine parked in front of me felt, to say the least, a bit overwhelming.

Nevertheless, I now owned a motorbike and figured I’d better get to learn how to ride it. Over and over again, experienced riders have said to me, in one form or another, something along the lines of ‘You have got to be observant. Know what’s going on around you. Even if you have an accident that isn’t your fault, it probably could have been avoided if you were paying attention’. The fantastic instructor I went to for lessons was the first to reinforce this.

Another part of this unfolding process was to realize that other road users are not thinking about me. It’s not personal; it is pointless to take it personally. That is just the way we are. Getting upset because someone didn’t notice you is a bit useless once they’ve knocked you over. In as far as riding a motorbike this means that the taxi driver looking for passengers is not noticing the somewhat wild-eyed blonde chick on the motorbike. In other words it’s up to me to notice the taxi and not up to him to notice me, if I want to stay safe that is. The lesson in this of course coming back to the present moment is, as in life in general: taking responsibility for yourself on a moment-to-moment basis, being observant and aware of what is around you, so that when the moment changes you are ready to take action and move with it fluidly.

The next thing I learned was the only way to do something is to do it. Having done a few lessons, and talked ‘riding a bike’ with many people, I had to actually eventually get on it and ride. The first few times were scary, and in hindsight probably quite funny to anyone else watching. I’d literally get all dressed up. Take the bike out. Drive it around the block. Once. Then park it and wait for my heart rate to return to normal over the next few days and then repeat the process. Eventually my next-door neighbor insisted I go for a longer ride with him (about 5km’s to Rivonia), I found lots of excuses not to, which he stubbornly wouldn’t accept. So it happened that I eventually got out on the road properly, and discovered, that the only way to do it is to do it. Having done that, I felt ready to take myself out for a proper ride to visit my mom.

This is where I learned the most. The most important thing being, to manage each traffic situation as it arises. Before I left for my ride that morning in my head I had my route all planned. However, once out on the road, living in the present moment, probably for the first time ever, made the most sense and was the best line of plot. I discovered I only needed to know from one section of the route to the next what to do. I learned to observe quickly, react and to keep going. I quickly learned that nothing else was as important as where I found myself in the moment, dealing with each part of the route as I got to it. Being available and present concentrating on what I was doing and not on anything else was a fairly new experience for me. Ever the daydreamer, re-living the past or imagining the future. There I was doing just this one thing as best I could, my mind fully focused on that task. When I eventually got to my mom, I was exhausted!

I’m doing my best to take these lessons from riding a motorbike into my other activities and daily life too. Hopefully the lessons of observation, not taking anything personally, taking responsibility for myself, taking the leap and just doing it, one step at a time, and focusing on the task at hand without distractions, will take hold in other areas of my life to my benefit, and there I was thinking I was just learning to ride a motorbike.

Please visit my website www.shoowah.com for more information about me and the therapies I offer as a Tarot, Rune, Hand Reading (Chirology), Spiritual Counsellor and Massage Therapist (including sensual massage, you can visit my sister site www.feralgrace.co.za for this) from Buccleuch Sandton and one day a week in Randburg. You can contact me on 072 298 7628 or by email info@shoowah.co.za

Sex and Ice Cream the practical spiritual life

Today’s Quote

‘To make the most of your life, however, you must integrate every aspect of your existence – body, mind and spirit. Being a spiritual person doesn’t mean you have to deny your physical self or conform to some impossibly high ideals of how a spiritual or holy person should act. You can’t pretend that you are a disembodied spirit, free from the everyday cares of the world because that would exclude your spirit from enjoying the physical pleasures of the world, as well, which would actually limit your experience, your understanding, and your growth as a spiritual person.’
Corrine Kenner
Tall Dark Stranger, tarot for love and romance

So back to sex and ice cream, unashamedly two of my favourite physical things. The last two years have been about the physical practical tangible, touchable, feel-able, world for me. So when I was pulled back into the ‘spiritual world’, working again doing consultations, healing, massage etc it took me somewhat by surprise.

For me, the invaluable lesson in the last two years has been the simple joy of just living, not necessarily seeking some high aim or spiritual goal, just being and doing on a day-to-day basis. In the practical and creative tasks of designing and sewing clothing, finding outlets and places to go and sell them, and managing the process of physical work, I learned one of my most useful lessons. Spirituality is in the little things, the way you do things every day and joy you get out of what you are doing.

I’d spent a lot of time chasing some unobtainable high and idealistic concept of what ‘being spiritual’ was all about. The minute I just relaxed into my life, focused on creatively enjoying what I was doing, was the minute I finally glimpsed a feeling of contentment and acceptance. It’s a bit like looking at those puzzle pictures when you stare directly at it, you can’t see what’s going on. When you change your perspective slightly and almost look away from it, you can clearly see the cleverly hidden answer.

In recent months, working with clients again for the first time in a long time, I realized how much the experience of just living and being from day to day had changed my perspective on spiritual life. I have learned that my physicality is important because it houses my emotions, my intellect and my spirit.

The more I enjoy my own body, how it looks, functions and works for me the more pleasure I get out of life. The more joy I take from the practical pleasures of being in a physical body the more my emotional, intellectual, and spiritual experience is enhanced.

Please visit my websites www.feralgracephotography.co.za and www.shoowah.com for more information about me and the therapies I offer as a Tarot, Rune, Hand Reading (Chirology), Spiritual Counsellor. I also work with an incredibly talented and professional Boudoir Photographer Jade Holing in a professional studio in Bryanston. I can be reached on 076 065 0132 or info@feralgracephotography.co.za I'd love to hear from you.

Who's your stalker?

Everyone I know these days is being stalked. This word pops up in current conversations like toast out of an unwatched toaster in the breakfast of relationship discussions everywhere. I’d like to argue that it’s used primarily by my ‘I’m so into myself’ ego-maniacal male friends, but I’m forced to admit, that it’s a word flung around just as often by my female friends.

I’m on the shadier side of 46, and have kicked relationship issues around as have many of my friends for years now, however, never before have I been so hesitant to engage with anyone lest I,m branded a stalker. Rose, in the popular comedy sitcom "Two and a Half Men", has made stalking fashionable and most red-blooded single men I know, seem to fancy themselves as the irresistible Charlie Sheen.

In a popular nightclub recently while out on a date with one of the resident DJ’s a man so into his own ‘God is a DJ’ image it was hard to get some available head space with the man never mind heart space, we ran into an ex-fling, apparently.

He pointed her out to me with the comment ‘I was involved with her, but she turned into something of a stalker’ I was startled and then amused therefore when he called her over first having to actively get her attention and said ‘I tried to phone you to put you on my guest list this evening’. Whereupon she gave him a glare to melt the wall-paper and said ‘clearly I managed to arrange entrance all on my own and no thanks’. So much for the stalker which lead me firstly to collapse into silent giggles and amen’s of accolades for this together lady and secondly wonder who indeed was stalking who?

I met someone at a trance festival recently as the trance scene is fairly tight in Jozi the community is small. I mentioned that I’d seen his name crop up on Facebook. To which this dread-locked Bob Marley wannabe mused in what is quickly becoming boring rhetoric ‘Oh, are you a stalker?’ Sweet blessed Mother! Save me from these insanely stupid comments from seemingly intelligent people!

A few days ago a female friend proudly announced ‘I have a stalker!’ On further prodding investigation from me it seems some poor man had called her a few times and sent her flowers. ‘Did you respond?’ was my question. ‘Well yes,’ she admitted. ‘And you answer his calls, reply to his emails and agree to see him socially?’ ‘Yes’ she agreed. ‘So how is he stalking you then?’ I ask perplexed. ‘Is his attention unwanted? If it is, you have an odd way of communicating this to him.’ To me, saying a firm no should stop any unwanted attention. If it doesn’t then you may be entering the realm of having a stalker.

And here we have the real issue. Stalking is not funny. It is not something to pin on oneself as a badge of acceptance and attractiveness to others and it is offensive to anyone who has truly been stalked in the real and scary sense.

I’ve been stalked in the true sense. To be the object of obsessive possessiveness is terrifying. Not only was my life threatened but my self-esteem took a knock.

So why are people bandying the term around? Is it a symptom of our celebrity crazy world? Do we need to fan our egos by fantasising that we are being stalked?

Making this phrase trendy brings a cry wolf element to the mix. This is the danger of allowing this word and the associated behaviour to become commonly accepted.

If you are being harassed by someone obsessively at work or socially and if that person treats you with a sense of "ownership", then you are being stalked. This obsessive lovingness can quickly turn to vengeance, especially if the stalker is rejected.

These days if I am drawn to a man, I am far more guarded. It’s taken away the freedom to be spontaneous and open. If you continue to engage with someone whose attentions are unwanted, you are not being stalked. What is needed is either a very firm no, or you need to make your true feelings very clear. If it is truly only friendship you want, don’t flirt, or respond to flirtatious overtures. Do not contact them if you truly do not want to have anything to do with them, not even for a friendly ‘how are you?’ and then be surprised when they respond.

I believe that we need to give each other clearer signals these days. The lines are so smudged and blurred those of us who are single find ourselves in a mine field when it comes to relationship communication. We all try so hard to be ‘nice’. Perhaps we should just learn to say "no" instead.

Please visit my website www.shoowah.com for more information about me and the therapies I offer as a Tarot, Rune, Hand Reading (Chirology), Spiritual Counsellor and Massage Therapist (including sensual massage, you can visit my sister site www.feralgrace.co.za for this) from Buccleuch Sandton and one day a week in Randburg. You can contact me on 072 298 7628 or by email info@shoowah.co.za