If – Avoiding fear based thinking by dropping ‘if’ from our vocabulary and staying in the present
Synonyms for 'If' are stipulation, proviso, or condition. If you thought, you had suddenly found yourself unexpectedly in the middle of an advanced grammar or linguistics lesson you may be right! An if-clause is the protasis. The term protasis is used in linguistics, to refer to the subordinate clause (the if-clause) in a conditional sentence. In grammar, conditional sentences are sentences discussing factual implications or hypothetical situations and their consequences, this is how the Wikepedia defines the word 'if' linguistically.
Confused yet? Not as confused as I was when I decided on this very simple topic and decided to find the actual definition and use of the word. What got me onto this though is the amount of times I find myself saying 'If' in a day. This thought started last Wednesday while driving to the 'Let's Talk' evening, our guest speaker was Chris Page . In his talk he reinforced this thought for me by mentioning that whenever you find yourself worrying, in angst and thinking outside of the present moment ask yourself 'is this about tomorrow, or yesterday or the next few minutes or even the next few hours?' When you find that it is – stop yourself and bring yourself back to the present moment/task at hand and keep going. A valuable thought/tool I thought.
This little word 'if' is often linked to another little word 'just'. 'If I could just' 'If you would just' 'If it would just' 'If I had just'etc etc. All of these statements take us out of the present moment whether you are referring to the past or the future in the statement the fact remains that you are then not in the present. In the context that I am using or thinking about 'if' it is a time bandit, robbing you of precious present moments.
This is not a new theme, in fact, I found myself saying this to someone this week. There never is a 'perfect' time for 'if' things go well 'then' I'll be able to do XYZ. Sometimes you just have to commit to something and let the 'if' and 'when' take care of themselves. One of my favourite expressions, when I'm not sure of something is to say 'I'm Iffy about that'. This is very closely related to the 'only when….,then I can syndrome' and can be interchanged as the 'Only if…………..then I can…….' Syndrome. Waiting on 'if' and 'when' keeps you marking time, on the same spot and never moving forward.
I remember being told once that changing the word 'but' to 'and' in a statement, particularly in the instance where you are perhaps giving some sort of negative feedback softens the statement and changes it. For example, I really love you but I find your behaviour disturbing. To, I really love and I find your behaviour disturbing. This gives it a subtle and different meaning as the proviso and hesitation of 'but' is lost and replaced with 'and' it makes whoever is on the receiving end of this statement still feel unconditionally accepted despite their behaviour.
'If' always implies uncertainty. While we cannot always avoid using 'if' for example: If I get my car back in time from the mechanic, I will be able to give you a lift. There are times when one thing is unavoidably dependent on another. However, How about something like, if I earn X amount of money I will buy a new car. To, Once I earn X amount of money I will buy a new car. Does this not make your intention to earn more money in order to buy a new car a firmer commitment of intent than 'if'?
Changing the 'if' to 'once' implies that ultimately buying a car is a certainty. Remembering how powerful the progression of thoughts to words to actions is in the process of manifestation, then subtly and powerfully changing the thoughts and words impacts on the ultimate outcome. Changing the 'if' in negative responses also changes the meaning. If you would be more patient with yourself you will find life a lot easier can become, practicing more patient with yourself makes life a lot easier, it makes it a more definite and forceful statement.
How about fear based 'if' statements? This is a lot trickier. If I lose my job, I may not be able to pay my rent. This is where 'if' becomes all too powerful. In this instance, it is a future possibility that has not yet happened. Try changing this statement to something like this. I imagine that in the event of losing my job, I may not be able to pay my rent. Although you are still expressing a concern over a future insecurity, there is once again a subtle difference in expressing doubt that you will keep your job with 'if' to making it a possibility. Nevertheless, in its softer form it robs the 'if' of its power to make us fearful. Also, remember that the realm of imagination allows us to deal with a possible future outcome without the fear, as you are able to face that possible outcome and come up with a possible solution. Whereas 'if' not only implies doubt, it does not allow you to explore what you are going to do about the 'if' as most of us get stuck right there, in that fear.
I will agree that it is entirely impossible to leave the word 'if' out of our vocabulary completely. On occasion it is just the right word to use especially when one thing is unavoidably dependant on another as in the example ‘If I get my car back on time - I will give you a lift’. This can be seen as a matter of nitpicking wordiness. However, what I am pointing out is that changing the mind-set when making fear based statements using ‘if’ where it can be interchanged with another word makes a statement less scary and more positive. It is a bit of trickery on yourself. Nevertheless, this can lead to the practice of a more positive outlook.
You never really get the opportunity to stop and reflect, no matter who you are life generally goes on at a relentless pace, never slowing down to wait for us to catch up.
What I have come to realise is that there never is a perfect time to start something or make a decision or be with someone I want to be with, or to express my feelings and emotions. While you are waiting for the world to stop turning so that you can get your ducks in flying formation, the world is going on with its business and leaving you behind. Everything that needs doing or saying or expressing must be done in the here and now!
Waiting around on 'if' and 'when' is out of our control most of the time. What is in our control is always the present moment, our control over the future always relies on our actions and reactions and responses to whatever we are experiencing in the present moment.
Please visit my website www.shoowah.com for more information about me and the therapies I offer as a Tarot, Rune, Hand Reading (Chirology), Spiritual Counsellor and Massage Therapist (including sensual massage, you can visit my sister site www.feralgrace.co.za for this) from Buccleuch Sandton and one day a week in Randburg. You can contact me on 072 298 7628 or by email info@shoowah.co.za
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